


Anything I Could Give You

by hollidayparty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Post-TRoS, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo-Freeform, angst-train, ben solo is a dummy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22628248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollidayparty/pseuds/hollidayparty
Summary: “No, Rey wait!”She stops mid stride, eyes clenched shut to keep the tears from falling and fists balled tightly at her sides.“I couldn't - I can’t stand that you don't get a say in this, in being … bound to me,” he forces himself to explain, desperate for her to understand. “You deserve so much more than anything I could give you. I'm not enough for you.”___________Ben Solo lives after Exegol. But he may or may not have neglected to tell Rey. She finds him on Ahch-To and angst ensues.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 107





	1. I See

**Author's Note:**

> guess who is back on their bullshit! i can't leave these two alone.

The months following Exegol had been excruciating. Rey had been able to pass off much of her grief for Ben as mourning his mother, neatly folding her pain inside the despair and sadness she could show outwardly, that others would understand. She mourns Ben in private, the heartache all but consuming her in the darkest moments. It had been weeks before she could even hear his name or even Kylo Ren without tearing. 

She’s thankful that Leia has yet to appear to her via the Force. Rey doesn’t know if she’s strong enough for _that_ conversation just yet. Luke, however, had been a comfort, telling her how conflicted and complex his grief for Anakin had been while the galaxy excitedly celebrated the death of Darth Vader. He sits silently with her as she cries, holding space for her and offering kind understanding. 

When she’s ready to pursue more training, mostly for a distraction than anything else, Luke tells her to go to Ahch-To. She had argued at first, hesitant to be so far away from the fledgling reconstruction efforts, but he had persisted, albeit by being increasingly cryptic.

“Your path calls you there,” is all he had repeatedly offered in explanation. His sly and knowing smile had equal parts infuriated and intrigued her.

So Rey had set off, somewhat reluctantly and apprehensively. But the lure of the steely ocean and the lush island she’d dreamed of for years was too irresistible to deny. She’d even missed the porgs. 

It’s drizzling when she lands and she shrugs into a simple cloak as she heads towards the temple ruins. Alone for the first time in weeks, she lets her defenses and carefully constructed facade drop as her mind unfurls to freely process some of the recent events in the resistance, no longer worried about appearances or optics or projecting the perfect image of a Jedi.

She’s so engrossed in her thoughts that she doesn’t register the person sitting cross-legged in the cave, frozen in place before a small fire and staring up at her in disbelief. Rey is almost walking into him when she sees him, yelping shortly and jumping back several feet in surprise. 

For a long time, they just stare at each other. She would know that face _anywhere._ The slope of his shoulders as he slumps forward over a thick ancient book. The shock in his brow as she appears virtually out of thin air before him. The way his lungs expand and contract with shallow, cautious breaths. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” she exclaims and droops her head forward in defeat with bitter humor. “I have officially lost it. Great. Fantastic! The last Jedi, who doesn’t feel at _all_ like a Jedi, is full on hallucinating now. _Perfect.”_

Ben climbs unsteadily to his feet, eyeing her with increasing concern. He should have known she would come here eventually. Of course she would find him; she’s stronger than him in almost every way. But something’s wrong. She apparently hadn’t been expecting to see him here. Or see him at all, for that matter. 

“Rey, what are - ”

“And you’re not even a Force ghost!” she interrupts indignantly and begins to circle him with an inspecting gaze. “You would think my subconscious would at least let me down gently and show me you’re gone but at _peace._ But no, it _has_ to be that you’re alive and unscathed.” 

Ben is definitely worried now. As angry as she is, she can’t stop herself from drinking in his appearance. He looks so _vital_ ; all traces of their battle, of his death, of her death, of his years of conflict are gone from him. She sighs harshly. 

“You even _look_ better than I remember,” she muses ruefully. The tips of Ben’s ears flush scarlet.

“Rey, I’m... alive,” he tries uncertainly. “I mean, I wasn’t. But then, I was. I am…” 

“I watched you die.” 

“I know,” he says softly. “I don't know why I'm still here.” 

“I've just told you, my brain - "

“Rey, this is real,” he gently implores. “Search the Force.”

She huffs, inwardly cursing herself for arguing with a hallucination. But then she focuses her senses down to just him, eyes narrowing skeptically. The now-familiar emptiness at the edge of her mind echoes hollowly as she probes for any kind of life force coming off of Ben. She finds nothing, just as she had ever since Exegol. 

She opens her mouth to tell him as much and then she feels a minuscule flicker of light, a tiny flame smoldering gloomily in the expansive darkness. The barest hint of his Force signature is pulsing almost imperceptibly, like the softest flutter of an insect’s wings, so faint that she would only be able pick it up if she were only a few feet away from him. So many times she’s reached out and searched for him and felt _nothing_ , but now she sees she would never have been able to feel this whisper of him from across entire systems.

But still, it's there. Slight but real and true and not a trick. _He is alive._

She can only gape at him in shock for the space of several heartbeats as he braces for her reaction as the rest of the realization clicks into place. 

“You're trying to cut yourself off from the Force,” she breathes, horrified. “ _Why?”_

“It was the only way I could think to sever the bond without harming you or wasting my mother's sacrifice.”

Stunned, Rey blinks and takes a half-step backwards from him as her blood turns to ice in her veins and the raw sting of rejection splits her heart in two. 

“I see,” she replies in a tight voice.

He doesn't need their connection to know his words have hurt her. He's confused; he thought he would be lifting a burden from her, a compulsion she would surely feel about being saddled with him. She thought of him as a monster for so long. He _was_ a monster for so long. He can’t expect her to change how she thinks of him, let alone want to be bound to him, just because he managed to get one thing right after a lifetime of wrongs. 

“You didn't deserve… this,” he tries to explain, referring to himself, his fucked up past, his sins. 

Her face hardens and he hears the double meaning of his words. _Shit._

“I see.” 

Before he can respond, she spins on her heel and begins stomping toward the huts. 

“No, Rey wait!” 

She stops mid stride, eyes clenched shut to keep the tears from falling and fists balled tightly at her sides. 

“I couldn't - I can’t stand that you don't get a say in this, in being … _bound_ to me,” he forces himself to explain, desperate for her to understand. “You deserve so much more than anything I could give you. I'm not enough for you.” 

“No,” she almost hisses, turning to face him. His heart falls into the sea at the pain etched so clearly on her face. “You're more than enough. Ben, you were everything. And I've been so lost ever since..."

Her throat cinches shut as the memories flood unbidden into her mind. A chill runs down her spine, abruptly terrified of his answer, as the next question ghosts over her lips.

"Ben, how long have you been here?"

"A few weeks," he mumbles shyly. She gawks at him and her temper and pain flare in equal measure. All of those sleepless, miserable nights she's spent mourning him and he's been _here,_ alive and hiding from her, the _whole time?_

"How is _this_ giving me a choice?" she demands, circling around to his convulated reasoning. "How could you _ever_ think that you cutting me out, after _everything_ , would be what I wanted?” 

A dent appears between his eyebrows and he opens and closes his mouth several times scrambling for an answer. Rey clenches her jaw against the sob building in her chest and then turns to all but sprint down the hill into the nearest stone hut. The roughewn door slams behind her and she begins to weep in earnest; the pain, relief, betrayal, rejection, fury, and heartbreak all finding voices in her vocalized grief.

Ben is rooted to the spot, shell-shocked and reevaluating every decision he’s made since he woke up. His brain feels as though it’s short-circuiting. Of all the reactions he had been preparing for, Rey feeling _rejected_ and her accompanying _anguish_ were certainly not among them. 

A shimmering of familiar energy next to him announces Luke’s manifestation appearing with impeccable timing. Luke sighs heavily as they watch Rey flee, clapping Ben’s shoulder in gruff affection and commiseration. 

"Your dad told me to tell you ‘nice going, dumbass.’"


	2. I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suuuuuup my dudes! 
> 
> behold, le angst and le comfort

Rey stays shut inside the small hut for the remainder of the day. Spying the ship she arrived in looming in the distance, Ben takes it as a good sign that she hadn't fled the planet all together, though he wouldn't exactly blame her if she had. 

He runs a hand through his hair and grinds his teeth. He _really_ messed this one up. Luke had told him as much, oscillating rapidly between berating and consoling him during their talk earlier. 

Closing his eyes in concentration, Ben unfurls himself ever so gently into the Force, careful not to plunge in too fast and risk accidentally overwhelming Rey with his quasi-presence. 

He bends low to place a humble offering at the rugged altar that was her aged hut. As soft as he can manage, he nudges a single thought toward her through the still muted connection. 

_I'm so sorry._

Rey had frozen where she lay in the cragged palette when she heard his tell-tale heavy footfalls approach outdoors, bracing for a knock that never came. Instead, she feels the soft flare of his signature as he dipped cautiously back into the Force. 

She's on her feet and yanking the door open when his mind brushes hers. Before today, she thought she would never feel that particular sensation again and the reality of sensing the sweet, gentle murmur of his consciousness in hers nearly brings her to her knees in relief. Because as angry and hurt as she is, _he is alive._ Ben Solo lives. She can't help the way her heart soars into the stratosphere at the thought. 

He's already retreating down the hill when she peers around the door, but she can feel his intentions much clearer now. He's giving her space in case she needs it, not because he doesn't _want_ to be near or speak with her. A small, exasperated smile fights its way onto her face in response. 

The bouquet of bright yellow flowers rests gently on her worn stone landing, a quiet, fervent apology from this gentle and vexing man. Rey's smile dents her cheeks at the sight of them. 

When the Lanai practically drag her to the small cooking fire and meal they've prepared, Rey's nerves tremble with anxiety over the answers she seeks from Ben. He's already seated on a sea-worn log bench and halfway through his food when she arrives. 

“Bond or not, why didn't you tell me you were back?” she fires off immediately. She’s determined to get answers without tears getting in the way this time. 

“I didn't think it would matter much to you,” he mumbles honestly, miserably, and sets his plate to the side. He is only beginning to scratch the surface of how _wrong_ he managed to get this. 

Stung by his assumption, she flinches as she takes a seat on the log nearest his.

“It does,” she answers in a small voice, all the ire instantly drained. “I watched you die. Twice on the same day, actually.” 

“Well, the first time _was_ your fault.” 

He'd been trying to tease her but she just falls silent. His crooked smirk slides off his face when he sees that her mouth is pressed in a firm line and her eyes are swimming. 

“Hey,” he coos and contrition rolls through him as he reaches out to tenderly encircles her wrist with a featherlight touch. “It's okay.” 

She shakes her head and sniffles, willing the tears not to fall. She inhales deeply in an attempt to steady herself. 

“No, it isn't,” she whispers, keeping her eyes on the fire before them. “I'm not. I'm _still_ not okay. You were the only person who ever came back for me.” 

She fiddles with her hands in her lap, hating the way her voice cracks. She swallows thickly and fights to choke back the emotions threatening to spill out. 

“And then I watched you die,” she continues. “And then I had to live with you being gone. And then you _come_ _back.”_

Her lips mash together, trying to pin the next words in her throat, but they spill silently against the bond anyway, a ghost of a murmur through the numbed connection.

_But not for me._

She impatiently scrubs at traitor tears on her cheek. Ben's chest aches as the shadow of her hurt washes into him. 

“And then - you tell me that you've _been_ back. For weeks. And you didn't tell me or come find me or anything. And it’s just that I - ” 

Despite her efforts, the tears start falling heavily and a sob rips from her chest. She turns away from him to hide her face in her hands, shoulders shaking as she breaks down. 

_I was waiting for you. I wanted you to come back again._

The voice that whispers into Ben's mind is so impossibly small and broken. It doesn’t belong to the fearsome Jedi, the last hope, the fierce warrior before him. It's the voice of a tiny, frightened, lonely little girl in the desert. A child who was forgotten, lost, and always alone. 

His heart shatters. 

Even when he finally feels like he's doing the right thing, all he does is hurt her. He falls to his knees in front of her, desperate to hold her, but feeling so undeserving of her touch. Unable to stop himself completely, he compromises for gently clutching her kneecaps. 

"I thought you wouldn't want me," he breathes, horrified with himself for how much more pain he's caused her. "You shouldn't. No one else ever seemed to. And I'm… you deserve so much _more_ than what I am, Rey." 

She shakes her head frantically, unable to speak. Her answer blooms in his mind anyway.

_All I want is you._

His resolve crumbles and any shred or half-formed notion of self-loathing or self-imposed punishment flies out the window. All he can do is give in to her longing and his own. He’ll do _anything_ to take away her pain. He would cast himself off the nearby cliff if she asked. He would stay beside her for the rest of time if she wanted. Before he can second guess himself, he crushes her to him, folding her into the circle of his arms and pressing her into his broad chest. Rey clings to him and his hold is the glue welding her fractured heart back together while she quietly cries into his shirt. 

"Then you'll have me," he soothes, voice low and brusque in her ear. "Okay? I’m so, _so_ sorry, sweetheart." 

_I’ll never leave you alone again_ , he silently promises her.

She nods against his chest, but there’s a shadow of distrust fluttering against the bond. She's scared and he can't blame her. In an effort to soothe and convince her, he flings himself open to the Force and flooding their connection to the height of its power. 

Rey gasps as she feels the bond surge with energy. He gives her everything and unfolds every thought and emotion for her inspection; how deep his remorse is, how convinced he was that the kindest thing he could do for her was stay away, how much he's kicking himself for hurting her by doing that, how ardent his self-loathing is that he's surpassed hurting himself and is now hurting her. 

She's silent for a long time as she scrutinizes his mind and his heart. Ben waits patiently, trailing his fingertips through her hair. At length, she huffs out an exasperated laugh and her mind all but kicks his in the shin. 

"You _idiot,"_ she murmurs aloud, astounded at the depth of his dense reasoning. 

"Yeah,” he sighs heavily. “That's what my dad said, too."


	3. I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. 
> 
> did i mention ben is a dummy?
> 
> pls enjoy these angsty cuddles.

Ben and Rey remain wrapped around each other until the stars have emerged to dot the inky sky and the fire is reduced to glowing embers. 

"It's getting late," he murmurs in her ear.

The flare of white hot panic rips through Rey at the thought of spending the night alone in the cold stone hut she'd hid away in earlier. Ben's arms automatically tighten around her as the brunt of her anxiety plows into him. He opens his mouth to explain and soothe her. 

"Please," she breathes raggedly against his collar bone and the broken plea silences him. "Please stay. Ben, I can't - " she chokes on the words and emotion welling within her. She doesn't want to beg but she doesn't want to be alone either.

An image of the two of them nestled together in _his_ hut blooms in her mind as Ben wordlessly (and a little frantically) shows her his reassurance and agrees to her request. He'd never meant to imply he wanted to leave her alone tonight. 

Distressed at the pain he has caused her _again,_ his mind pushes a remorseful and slightly jumbled chant into hers in response. 

_I'm sorry, I'm here, I'm sorry, I'm here._

Rey relaxes marginally and moves to stand. Ben is quicker; he scoops her into his arms, cradling her tenderly against his sturdy chest, and carries her toward his hovel. Ducking down, he peppers soothing, feather-light kisses all along her brow and upon the crown of her head, never once taking his eyes off of her. 

Mindful of the rocky terrain and meddlesome porgs, she's about to tell him to watch where he's going, but she senses his secondary focus. He's using the Force to feel and pick his way over the ground so he can lavish affection upon her. She blushes but can't help the glowing happiness that gradually replaces the jittery anxiety in her chest. 

He carries her bridal-style over the threshold of his hut. It's bathed in soft lantern light and significantly cozier than the one she had claimed earlier. Rey bristles minutely at how _lived in_ the space is, another reminder of how long he's been _fine_ while she grieved for him. She pushes the thought away determinedly and chooses instead to focus on the unexpected plus of having a comfortable and hospitable place to rest with him. 

Ben is grateful for her effort, but he dips another soft kiss to her forehead and apologizes again anyway. He deposits her on the cot and moves to stoke the small fire in the center of the room. Satisfied with his work, he stands and eyes Rey questioningly. He shoots a quick vision across the bond; it's him removing his thick sweater to reveal just a thin undershirt below before climbing onto the pallet beside her.

_Is that okay?_

She nods mutely and projects a flutter of appreciation for him checking first. Her cheeks blaze as she remembers the last time she saw him and a shirt in parted company and she _swears_ she hears him laugh under his breath. 

Too weary to press the matter or argue, she promptly burrows into his side as soon as he comes to lay next to her. He's so _warm_ and she relishes the feel of his body heat radiating into her very bones as she winds her limbs around his. 

A long, slow, rumbling sigh of contentment rattles from Ben's chest when she slots herself against him and rests her head in the hollow beneath his collar bone. He basks for a moment in the feeling of having her safe in the circle of his arms. 

He gingerly plays with a strand of hair that's escaped one of her signature buns and studies her face. Rey can feel his open wonder and affection and it's definitely helping to soothe the raw and chafed wounds inflicted on her soul by their separation. Eyes drooping closed, she relaxes even deeper against him.

“Do you want to sleep?” he asks softly. 

_I'm not sure if I can._

Her mental tone warbles under the weight of still-storming emotions. He drops the strand of hair and ghosts his fingertips down the ladder of her ribs and nods understandingly. At his touch, she shivers almost imperceptibly but Ben doesn't miss the slight ruffle of pleasure that seeps through the bond. He smiles and drags his fingers slowly and deliberately down the same path. 

“I'll do this all night if it helps you feel better," he promises, voice reverent. 

Rey isn't sure why, but this quiet, tender pledge nearly makes her weep. She scoots closer and firmly presses her face into the curve of his neck and shoulder as a confession slips between them. 

_I missed you so much._

It's hard for her to tell him these things. Or to acknowledge the pain of it. And endure the shame of feeling so _weak_ for the depth of this attachment to him. And tense for his rejection if he figures out how much she truly cares for him, how desperately she wants him to stay and never leave again.

 _I'm not going anywhere, baby,_ he answers immediately _. I promise. I missed you, too._

“Are you sure? This is what you want?” 

His free hand comes up to gently frame her face and his depth-less eyes flit between hers. 

"Yes," he vows. "I just managed to convince myself I didn't deserve it. But Luke yelled at me. A lot. He actually relayed a lot of yelling from both of my parents, too." 

Rey winces as snippets of Luke's tirade flit into her head. Inwardly, she sends a silent prayer of thanks to any Force ghost she can think of for talking sense into Ben.

"I thought the Force brought me back to pay a penance and punish me for all I'd done," Ben explains. "And atone for my sins. And never in a million years did I think you would _want_ me back." 

Words fail her as she flounders for a coherent response to this. 

_I_ kissed _you, dummy,_ is all she can manage.

"Well, yeah," Ben counters hotly. "But you had also just died, so. I thought, you know, near death experience and emotions running high and all…"

She jerks back and stares at him, incredulity rippling around them in a palpable wave. 

“Listen, I _know_ ,” he cuts in emphatically. “I’m sorry. I was very wrong and I hurt you even more by being so blind and stupid. I’m sorry.”

Rey can tell how genuinely contrite he is for his miscalculations so she lets it go, nestling back down against him once more. Ben begins twirling the same errant tendril of hair in his fingers again. 

“Luke said that my mother never would have done what she did if it meant I would continue to be in pain when I came back. And staying away from you was… _excruciating._ ”

Now it's _her_ turn to nod understandingly and she sends a burst of grace and comfort to him. His demons may still hiss otherwise, but he knows now that they're meant to be together. Their paths are irretrievably entwined. 

“I will still try and make up for what I've done, but I will never leave you again,” he vows fervently. “I promise. If I get one thing right in this new life, I swear it will be staying by your side and keeping you safe and happy.”

The ache that's been throbbing in Rey's chest since this morning subsides considerably at his words. She sighs heavily and sends him a wordless murmur of gratitude. 

"Can I?" he asks timidly, tugging gently on the same strand of hair he's been toying with. She nods curiously and he loosens each section of hair until it all hangs freely around her shoulders. Rey bites back a moan as his warm, calloused fingertips brush her scalp and card through her waves. When he experimentally kneads his fingers into the base of her neck, she melts against him and really _does_ groan quietly as tension leaches out of her strained shoulders. 

Ben smirks a little to himself before focusing on the stress in her upper back. If he uses the slightest bit of the Force to nudge the fascia of her muscles to heal and release their rigidity, she doesn't comment. Rey is too lost in the feeling of his wide, _perfect_ hands working the knots from her neck. 

"Ben, please don't stop," she pleads, the request tumbling unbidden from her lips. Ben's breath hitches at the twin desire suddenly spiking between them. 

_Never._

He isn't completely sure who moves first, but her mouth is suddenly on his and it's so much _better_ than the first time. His lips meld to hers as he gently rolls on top of her. Rey is breathless with the desire coursing through them in an endless feedback loop. She feels so _safe_ caged in against his chest and between his thickly muscled arms. They lose themselves in each other’s kiss for the space of several moments, or maybe several lifetimes. 

But even as each movement of his lips on hers spikes her blood with adrenaline, Rey all but sags with exhaustion, her mind and body spent from the events of the day and the complex release of so much pain and worry for him. 

He feels her hesitation and lessens his intensity immediately. Softly, he kisses each of her cheeks. Then her eyelids. And her forehead. The very tip of her nose. The edge of her chin. And then her lips, pressing his lightly, chastely to them. Each brush of his mouth against her skin a fervent promise and an ardent pact.

"There's always tomorrow," his playful whisper reassures her. "And the next day. And the next day." 

She nods, laughing breathlessly, and happy tears dance on her lashes. 

Ben twists around and scoops her against him again as he lies back against the pallet. His hands resume gently carding through her hair, though the energy is markedly less heated. Her eyelids droop of their own accord as she's lulled by the steady, rhythmic movement of his fingers.

Rey drifts off to sleep in his arms, at peace and at _home_ for the first time in her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this changed to 4 chapters instead of 3 but there might be same tasteful smut-esque things coming idk.


	4. I Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we out here
> 
> this took longer than i planned, but here we are! steamy things are getting steamy. also i've never written any kind of smut-type things before, so pls be gentle 
> 
> also may have burrowed a few passages from my other fics. is it plagiarism if you copy-paste your own self??

Rey wakes feeling more rested than she has in months. Her muscles ache with a pleasant stiffness as she nuzzles into Ben’s shoulder. She watches the dappled sunlight dance across his face, long lashes casting shadows on his cheeks, raven hair glinting with unexpected red and chocolate tones brought out by the sun. She’s a little surprised that he didn’t vanish overnight, that he’s really _here,_ that yesterday hadn’t been a dream. 

Sensing she’s awake, Ben eyes her blearily before knocking her breathless with a wide, dimpled smile. Only a handful of sights in the galaxy had been so beautiful they brought Rey to tears; none of them compare to the way Ben opened his eyes and _beamed_ at her. Unable to stop herself, Rey surges forward and kisses him hungrily. Ben is panting heavily when they part several moments later. But then he grins wickedly, eyebrow arching suggestively. 

“Wow,” he rumbles, voice gravelly with sleep. “Can you wake me up like that every morning? I’d have tried to find you if I knew _that_ was part of the deal.”

She rolls her eyes and softly thwacks his chest but giggles despite herself. He really _is_ his father made over. He chuckles unabashed and a wordless swirl of affection, endearment, and tenderness floats across their connection. The coherent thought suddenly blooms like a radiant burst of starlight in the expanse of his emotions. 

_I love you so much._

Rey’s breath catches in her throat. Gaze analyzing him uncertainly, she scans his face for a reaction. Ben’s eyebrows lift swiftly at the recognition of what passed between them, but his expression smooths out again as he offers her a timid, bashful smirk. It was an accident, clearly, and his serene eyes dance with a boyish impishness. 

“Sorry,” he says softly, head tilting to one side. “I’ve imagined saying that to you in a hundred different ways; _that_ wasn’t really one of them.” 

“You meant it?”

She fights to keep the note of incredulous joy out of her voice. The rapturous belonging searing its way through her heart and bleeding into the bond betrays her, as does the subtle drip of anxious disbelief trickling through her veins.

Carefully, as if she’s made of glass, Ben cups her face in his warm, calloused hands. He projects the depth of his certainty into her mind, coaxing her to feel the conviction singing through his soul. Never taking his eyes off of hers, he bends to capture her mouth in a gentle kiss. 

“With all that I am,” he breathes against her lips.

_Can you…_ she begins mutely before breaking off, pushing an image into his mind instead of trying to verbalize her request. 

She’s imagined this before, wondered again and again how it would sound, tried to predict exactly what pitch the timbre of his voice would rumble in if he actually _said_ the words. Ben’s chest aches as he realizes she dreamed of it over and over after Exegol. When she thought he was dead. When all she had left of him was a feeble memory of their fleeting moment together. When she grieved for the future that was ripped away from her. 

He brushes his thumbs over the apples of her cheeks and stares into her eyes, flicking between her pupils. A rush of devotion and worshipful adoration wraps around her mind like a comforting blanket. 

“I love you, Rey,” he murmurs fervently. “I always have. I always will.” 

Snapping her eyes closed, she commits the sound to memory, instantly replaying his words on an infinite loop. Her hands overlap his wrists and Ben smiles fondly hearing his own voice echo repeatedly in her mind.

Bending low, he whispers to her again, punctuating the phrase with a kiss brushed onto her forehead. 

“I love you.”

He drops another kiss on her right cheek. 

“I love you.”

Then the left. 

“I love you.”

Then the freckles on the bridge of her nose. He rests his forehead against hers and a hundred lifetimes pass between them before Rey pulls back, sniffling delicately, and studies his face. 

“I love you, too,” she murmurs, voice thick with emotion. “More than anything.” 

The soaring bliss in his answering smile could shake the stars. He swoops forward and melds his mouth to hers as he uncoils his mind and his heart to her through the connection. Pressing forward, he nudges Rey backward into the bedroll, climbing over her and gently caging her in against his chest the way she had liked so much last night. 

_So much for getting out of bed,_ Ben teases, not at all sorry for this delightful delay to their trivial plans.

Creature of habit and routine that she is, Rey briefly feels guilty at the notion of spending all day in bed. They couldn’t just do _nothing_ all day, Rey thinks mostly to herself. Ben shakes his head against her but keeps their lips locked together. Cautiously, with an endearing mix of bravado and shyness, he rolls his hips against her, pressing his _very_ evident arousal between them. 

_We wouldn’t be doing_ nothing _,_ he argues playfully.

Rey gasps. She yanks him even closer and locks her ankles behind his back, nodding eagerly against his kiss, granting him permission. He groans and when he deepens their kiss, it’s not consuming, at least, not in the way Rey would expect. It’s soft but it’s also just on the right side of desperate, the right side of needy, and it’s not domineering or commanding or anything but wanting, a continuation of something they’ve both craved for too long. 

When he parts her lips with his tongue, it isn’t rough or sloppy. He takes his time, brushing it just behind her teeth, the roof of her mouth, sliding it over hers slowly, sensually. Rey doesn’t mean to, but she groans, hands fisting in his hair. She feels his lips turn up in a smile. 

It’s surreal, being close in this way, after dreaming of this moment so many times, but it also feels so undeniably right. His lips chart a path down the side of her neck, latching onto the pulse point as his hands slip under the soft shirt she’s wearing, sliding it up and up and up until he’s pulling away and silently asking permission.  
  
Rey nods, and then he pulls it over her head and his lips are suddenly everywhere, starting with her mouth and trailing down, down, down until he’s looking up at her with his deep brown eyes, mouthing enthusiastically at her breasts, pulling out all kinds of sounds Rey didn’t know she could make. Her hands thread themselves deftly into his hair as she throws her head back, uncaring of the dull sting from thumping it against the roughhewn pallet. 

Ben breaks away and pulls off his shirt and there’s a deep silence between them now, save harsh panting, but in it is everything that needs to be said. He smiles bashfully and Rey returns it eagerly, reaching up to cup his face.  
  
"I've dreamed of this,” he breathes in a wrecked whisper.   
  
Rey's smile softens as she tug at his hair playfully. 

_Me too.  
_

His grin is relieved, and his next kiss is full of tender longing. There’s no more words, after that. He finally presses all of him against all of her and lets out a throaty moan at the contact.  
  
Ben nearly comes apart at the noises coming from Rey after he strips her leggings off and begins exploring the most sensitive parts of her. He's a only little smug when he works her perfectly, like this isn’t the first time he’s ever gotten this close to her, or any woman, for that matter. Then Rey is slipping his pajama bottoms down and this new, _enthusiastic_ use of her mouth washes away all of his smugness, replacing it with paralyzed wonder. 

When they finally join together, bodies slotting together like puzzle pieces, the feeling is unlike anything either of them have ever felt. The Force thrums blissfully around them, pulsing in time with their synchronized heartbeats, and their union is better than anything the Light or Dark had ever promised them. 

Afterwards, they lazily bask the afterglow, bodies spent. They can’t find the words to say yet, so they lie in a blissed out silence. Ben is warm next to her, a flush spreading across his chest and up his angular throat. Rey feels grounded, comforted, cherished in his hold. Ben isn't sure now how much time passes, but they spend it trading soft kisses and softer wordless thoughts, fingers caressing skin and bodies pressed close. He pulls her deeper into his arms, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead and sighs deeply, eyes fluttering closed in contentment. 

_All that time we spent fighting one another,_ she begins ruefully. Ben feels the flicker of incredulity ripple through Rey's mind so he turns, peeping one eye open and arching his brow in question.

_And we could have been doing_ this _the_ whole _time??_

The hut shakes from the Force of Ben's laugh as he rolls on top of her, peppering her skin with kisses between bursts of laughter. 

_Then I guess we'll need to make up for lost time, hm?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miiiiight add more to this, but i don't have any chapters in the works right now, so it's a very tentative might. but we'll see what happens!

**Author's Note:**

> no lie, my working title for this one was "ben is a gd idjit" so. here we are.


End file.
